Clothes
by kayak
Summary: Sanji takes the crew to a clothing store.


Clothes

Sanji slipped a cigarette from his coat pocket only to stop when he realized he was already smoking one. He grimaced. Shit. What did he get himself into? Sanji stared flatly at the group of shitheads before him.

Luffy and Usopp were chasing Chopper in circles around Franky and Brook. Brook was laughing at their antics and egging them on. Franky was at least annoyed by all the noise they were making and said nothing. His arms folded across his chest.

It went on for quite a while until Sanji lost his patience and grabbed hold of Luffy and Usopp by their collars.

"No fair. We almost caught up to Chopper."

"Shit, I don't fucking care. Let's just go already."

"Oi, Cook-bro. Where's Zoro?" Franky asked. "If he's not going, I don't see why I have to go. This is not super."

Everyone turned their heads this way and that, searching for Zoro. Luffy dunked his head in a barrel, screaming his name. It didn't take Chopper long to sniff him out. He was sleeping as usual.

Sanji gave a sharp kick to his head to wake him up. "Get up, you stupid marimo. We're waiting for you."

Zoro yawned. His eyes peeked opened to give the cook an unconcerned look. "I'm not going."

"Then I'm not going either," Franky said triumphantly. "I've got other things to do." He lowered his sunglasses down and sauntered off with a smug grin on his face.

"You know I suddenly caught the idontwannagetofftheship disease."

"This is boring. I wanna do something else. When's lunch?"

Sanji stood quiet, fuming and grinding his teeth.

Ordinarily, he didn't give a rat's ass if they followed him into town or not. A bunch of unrefined nitwits they were, but today he was given an important task by his lovely Nami-san and he wasn't about to let his Nami-san down. They needed clothes. Better clothes than what they normally wore. Formal clothing attire for special events. While Sanji agreed heartily with Nami-san, he wondered if he had bitten off more than he could chew when he accepted her request.

Given the circumstances, it looked like a losing situation with no way to salvage what was left of the group. Everyone was slowly dispersing to their respective place on the ship, effectively erasing all the hard work Sanji put in gathering them up in the first place. All because of one inconsiderate swordsman.

But there was still a chance, a way, if Sanji chose to utilize it. He loathed to use such a cheap tactic, but he was left with no other recourse.

The absolute rule was this: Everyone did what the captain said. So by simple reasoning, all he had to do was to get the captain to issue the order. A very simple task for Sanji.

"Oi Luffy."

"Huh?"

He casually took a long drag from his cigarette, taking his sweet time about it. "I've been thinking about a new menu. We should eat more vegetable. Less meat. It'll be cheaper. Healthier too."

"NO!"

"No?" Sanji repeated, feigning astonishment.

"No! It should be more meat and less vegetable!"

"Then get the crew into town so we can buy some fucking clothes for everyone."

"But why?" Luffy moaned. He stomped his foot and shook his fists. "That's no fun. No one wants to go. Clothes shopping is so boring."

"All vegetable and no meat!" Sanji snarled through gritted teeth. And he meant it too. If Luffy didn't get them into town, he was going to cook only vegetable for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He had all the recipes he needed to follow through with his threat.

Luffy's mouth fell open and his eyes widened in horror. "Oi everyone! Let's go to town!" He stretched his arms and roped his crew one by one as he ran throughout the entire ship, collecting everyone.

"Luffy, what the hell-" someone screamed.

With everyone in tow, the captain charged off the ship and straight into town. Sanji followed nonchalantly behind them, puffing on his cigarette.

The store Sanji had in mind was a distinguished, high-class men's clothing store that commanded social grace and sophistication. The people who worked there were dressed in impeccable suits and knew their clothing inside and out. They were kind of people Sanji appreciated because clothing to him was an art, an extension of the soul. Like cooking, it was not something to be taken lightly.

Sadly, he felt any counseling from him on the matter of clothing would be lost on those dimwits. Maybe with the exception of Brook. Better just to pick out suits for them and be done with it. Something black of course. Because black worked for almost all occasions: Weddings, birthdays, funerals and et cetera. He could be back on the ship taking care of Nami-san and Robin-chan in no time.

Sanji yanked out Luffy from the group while the rest ambled in confused and amazed. Three elderly men greeted them and escorted them around.

"Let's get started with you."

"Huh?"

Surprisingly, Luffy had a preference. He wanted to wear red, which was easy enough. Sanji selected red dress shirt for him but as for the coat, it was a different story. They went through several styles, but none of them seem to fit him.

"Here, try this one." Sanji handed Luffy another black coat.

He put it on, sounding exhausted and displeased. "I'm hungry."

Sanji ignored him and waved at him to turn around. Luffy did as he was told, sighing as if it was an exhausting work. Sanji checked his shoulders, smoothing out the fabric. It still looked wrong. Like a kid trying on grown-up clothes. He pulled the coat off Luffy and searched the racks for something else.

"What's wrong with that one?"

"No good."

"Why?"

"Shut up and stand still," Sanji responded sharply. He retrieved five more coats and held each one under Luffy's chin, evaluating the look on him. And one by one, he tossed them all in a pile. The shopperson, called Finn, collected them discreetly off the floor and returned them to their racks.

Luffy needed something grand. Something that represented his position as a captain. Even though he didn't look the part. A long bridge coat or a buccaneer coat perhaps. And then Sanji spotted it in the back, hidden from the main display.

It was heavy and old, made of sturdy wool. It had large bell cuffs, broad lapels and antique golden buttons. And the best part, it was black.

"This is good. Wear it like this, Luffy." Sanji draped it over his shoulders and stood back to look him over. He almost looked like a real captain.

"It's so big," Luffy whined when he checked himself in the mirror. He gave Sanji a sour face. "Do I have to wear this?"

"Do you want to look some more? We can skip lunch." Sanji was being very serious.

It took Luffy a nanosecond to absorb what he said before shouting, "It's great!"

"He'll take these," Sanji told Finn.

"Very good, sir."

Finn bought along his measuring tape and proceeded to take Luffy's measurements. Luffy was laughing uncontrollably when he did. Sanji kicked his ass to shut him up.

Now Zoro, the most annoying and painfully of the bunch. How he could possibly convince him to let go of his shitty ugly haramaki?

Suddenly, Sanji's eyes narrowed darkly at him. Was that marimo sleeping again?

Sanji regarded Zoro with peeved amazement. He stood, leaning against the wall, sound asleep. It explained why he was quiet the entire time he was dressing Luffy.

Whatever. It didn't matter to Sanji. It made his job much easier in fact. Finn and his brother, Gil, removed his haramaki and took down his measurements. They lifted his arms and moved him around like a mannequin without hearing so much as a peep from him. When they were finished with him, they placed him back against the wall.

Sanji decided on a vest for Zoro with a white shirt and black tie. Nothing fancy for him. He felt lazy and didn't feel like putting any work into Zoro.

Every so often Sanji spotted Usopp lurking around the clothing store, doing something suspicious. He whispered something to Luffy and Chopper, laughed and then ran off again. After Sanji was done picking out a coat for Zoro, he went to look for him. He must have found something interesting.

When Usopp showed Sanji what he wanted to wear, Sanji frowned and shook his head. "Pinstripe? Really?"

He was wearing an outrageous black and white pinstripe suit. If it was up to Sanji, he would have gone a subtle black and charcoal combination. Something like that could still be wore to semi-formal.

"I like it!" he protested. He also had on an ugly shirt and tie.

"Pinstripe suits are tricky to pull off," Sanji explained. In fact, they were designed more for short and stocky people who wanted to appear tall and thin. Not for people like Usopp or Sanji. Not that Usopp would have understood any of that if he told him. Sanji would have to go into the elongating effect of stripes, which meant blah, blah, blah to most men. "They are more for business than for casual or formal wear."

"Exactly!" Usopp stated, proudly pointing his thumb at himself. "I mean business."

Sanji knew he just made that up, but he didn't want to be a jerk about it.

"What's that? What you got over there?" He peered over Usopp's shoulder, indicating to the two large bundles wrapped in burlap.

"Nothing! Nothing at all." A horn poked out of the bag as he grabbed them off the floor. Usopp quickly covered it back up. "So are we done? My suit is good."

"Yes, yes. Make sure you get fitted for that before we leave." Sanji dug into his pants pocket for a cigarette. Relaxing a bit, he was half way done.

Brook, the tallest of them all, appeared uncertain and quiet. It must have been a long time since he had any new clothes. But it was hard to tell from his face what kind of expression he had on or what he was thinking of.

"See anything you like, Brook?"

"Yoohoohoo. Everything is so wonderful. I don't know where to begin." He bent down to glance through a rack of shirts, spun around to check out the ties and scarves and then danced over to the shoes and socks.

Sanji decided Brook should be all right on his own. What he wore now wasn't so bad. Just a little outdated and beat up.

Amazingly enough, Tael, the third brother, didn't bat an eye at Brook even though he was a walking, talking skeleton. However, he did need a ladder to properly measure Brook's shoulders and arms.

It seemed like a mismatched standoff with Franky glowering at Sanji, daring him to try to put pants on him and with Sanji calmly blowing smoke at him. Franky had his sunglasses on and was looking very stubborn. He grumbled, "The last time I wore pants, it was a horrible day."

"You need to wear pants. There is no way around it, Franky. Suits don't come in Speedo."

"No pants."

Frustrated at the man's lack of cooperation, Sanji surrendered. "Just get fitted for one. I don't give a shit if you never wear it." With that, he stalked off to smoke another cigarette.

Gil was nervous about trying to take his measurements. The older man panicked and back away as Franky paced back and forth. He needed a lot convincing before he finally allowed Gil to get near him.

Lastly Chopper. He had very little need for clothes since he was furry, but that shouldn't exclude him from the group. Everyone should look nice.

When Chopper asked what form he should be in for the measuring, Sanji stopped and pondered over it. Chopper had a good point. The clothes they make for him would only fit one of his many forms. Would it be better if the suit was tailored in his human form or maybe his small form? Then he had a better idea.

"Make it out of spandex."

Finn stared at him over his choice of fabric. "Spandex, sir?"

"Spandex," he said firmly.

Finn insisted that they do not have any spandex on hand and it would take them a while to order it. Sanji didn't care how long it took and told him to just make his clothing out of spandex. Old man shook his head and scurried off with his notes.

Taking a breather outside the store, Sanji took out his pack of cigarette and was annoyed to see he had gone through the entire carton without even knowing it.

Shit. What a day, he thought. He leaned back to stare at the clear sky, enjoying his last cigarette. In the back of his mind, he wondered when they would ever wear those clothes.


End file.
